i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
