Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
