The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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