I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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