I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Randomize
