I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
