i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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