is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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