Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize