He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
