Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
