where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
