I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just want to make out with him forever
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
