The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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