I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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