Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
