after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
