I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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