come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
