Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
