Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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