Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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