What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
