My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
