I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There r osticjed everywhere
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
