I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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