I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
