Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
