Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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