i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
