I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
