I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
