i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
