I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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