Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I got inside last night via doggy door
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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