I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
