Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Dicks are not precious.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
