All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize