That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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