if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
