Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
