Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
