It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
