Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
