This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
