If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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