dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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