Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
