I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
