you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
