I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
