i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I have aggressive nipples.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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