This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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