Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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