hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
