My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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