mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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