how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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