you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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