Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
