quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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