i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
