remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
