Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize