I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
