i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
