I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
