Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i need some magic done to my vagina
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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