love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
