Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
