I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
