If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm always down for nudity.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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