Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
